Gangs to Glory

I used to wonder if I’ll see twenty one, Hiding from bullets and all types of guns,

At the time I thought that gangs were the way, Fighting and drinking my future away,

But way up in heaven lives a man with a plan, His name is the Lord, he created this land,

He sent his son to die on the cross, For you and for me who walk around lost,

He takes our wrongs and makes them right, He takes the blind and gives them sight,

Because of him I walked away, Because of him I live today,

A son, a wife, a beautiful life, A job, a car, and knowledge to write,

Never shot, never stabbed, never hurt too bad, His hands were around me, the ultimate dad,

I’m proud that I believe in him, I’m proud that he diminished my sins,

Through him I’m saved and when I die, I’ll leave this earth for my home in the sky.

-James W. Odom

GETTING OUT OF A GANG

“Once you get in, you can’t get out”. This is something gang members are told when they decide to join a gang. Truth is, anyone can get out, anytime they want. So why are gang members scared to make that decision? Getting out of a gang isn’t cool, as a matter of fact; people will think your “weak” or “selling out on the hood”.  

The first thing you need to know about getting out is that you’re not the only one who’s thought about it. Sure it’s fun in the beginning, representing the hood, flagging, drinking, smoking, hustling, hitting licks, getting into fights and building your rank. The problem is, you can’t do any of these things without hurting your family, getting a few tickets, getting kicked out of school, going to court, doing some jail time, being on probation, getting shot at or occasionally jumped, and being harassed by the police. 

As you can imagine, it doesn’t take long for gang members to realize that joining was a mistake. Gangs expect you to give everything you got and commonly give nothing back in return. Sometimes the cost is losing respect from the ones you love, and sometimes it’s your life. However, there are a few gang members that are willing to endure the challenge of getting out.

Getting out of a gang is something that requires hard work and determination. It’s not an overnight process and it can sometimes take anywhere from 6 months to 6 years. Every gang is different, and every gang has their own set of rules. This means there’s no “one way” to get out of gang; you have to choose a technique that fits the gang and structure that you’re associated with.

I’ve been working with gangs in the Houston area for over 14 years now. I know many individuals that have changed their lives; and others that have lost it. No one can tell you to get out of a gang; it has to be a choice that you make on your own. The sooner you make that decision, the better your chances are for having a successful life. You just might be an inspiration to your friends and siblings who look up to you.

Representing the Hood

Some people don’t actually join gangs; they just represent the hood by either hanging out with gang members, throwing hand signs, or putting graffiti on their personal items. Sometimes representing the hood or claiming to be a part of something you’re not, can get you into trouble. If this applies to you, the best way to slow down is to simply stop representing. Quit telling people what hood you claim, stop hanging out with gang members, quit throwing hand signs, and replace any personal belongings that have graffiti on them. It may take a while but the sooner you stop representing, the better the odds that your problems will begin to decrease.

Neighborhood Clicks

Some people hang out with Neighborhood Clicks; this applies to individuals who claim a specific park or street in their neighborhood. Although Neighborhood Clicks don’t consider themselves to be gangs, they do fit the state definition (Section 71.01(d) of the Texas Penal Code defines a criminal street gang as “Three or more persons having a common identifying sign or symbol or an identifiable leadership who continuously or regularly associate in the commission of criminal activities.”) and typically act just like them. Since these groups don’t typically have a leader and often lack organizational structure, you have the opportunity to reason with them. Reasoning with them just means letting them know your intentions. Tell them you want to “chill out” and that you’re going to stop hanging out with them for a while so you can stay out of trouble. These groups usually don’t require an initiation so they can be a little easier to walk away from.

Street Gangs

Individuals that decide to join a street gang (see definition above) have a much larger task at hand. Most street gangs require some sort of initiation and commitment from their members. There is also an understanding that “once you get in, you can’t get out”, sound familiar?

Even though it takes the longest, one of the most popular ways of getting out of a street gang is to “fade away”. Fading away is a slow process in which you gradually pull yourself away from the gang by getting involved in positive alternatives. Gangs require their members to be present during certain events such as meetings or retaliation efforts.  However, they will accept certain excuses such as having a job, involvement in sports, or being on probation. The key to this process is spending less time with the gang doing negative things and spending more time away from them being positive. Overtime, the gang will get used to you not being around and won’t ask as much from you.

Getting involved in a “faith-based alternative” is another technique to get out of a gang. This method is commonly used in the prison system as the ONLY way to leave a gang. On a street level, this simply means plugging into a local church and getting involved in the many activities they have available. When they see you building a relationship with the man upstairs, the gang will back off and distance themselves from you. You’d be surprised at how much fun you might have attending church events and going on mission trips to help others.

Another popular method in leaving a gang is probably the most dangerous, getting “jumped out or clicked out”. This means going up to the gang and telling them you want out. The gang will arrange a time and place to “click you out”. This means they are going to physically beat you until they’ve decided you’re out. Sometimes this can be a quick process that you can walk away and learn from, and sometimes it’s a process that ends with a ride to the hospital.

Why would someone choose this option? It’s a way of showing honor towards the gang getting out, the same way you showed honor towards them getting in. Most gangs will admire the way you handled the situation and maintain a level of respect for you. This means they’re less likely to have conflict with you for getting out which gives you one less thing to worry about on the streets.  

Lastly, “relocation” is always an option. This means that you are going to pick up and leave your current residence in efforts of finding another place to live where you can avoid the gang. This is usually the last and final option. When you decide to relocate, it takes the support of your entire family because the decision will impact all of them.

How far do I need to go? That depends on the gang; if you belong to a small neighborhood click then moving to another side of the city will be sufficient. However, if you’re trying to leave a gang that’s been around for a while and operates in multiple areas around the city, you may need to relocate a little further.

This first step in this process is to sit down with your family and explain the severity of the situation. They need to understand why it’s so important for them to get up and leave. This means you need to tell them how involved you really are. They will need details and this will be hard so get prepared. Sometimes this process can be easier with someone by your side, find a counselor that your comfortable with and ask them to sit in with you while you confront your family.

The most important thing to remember is that getting out of a gang is just the beginning. Staying out is the real challenge. Sometimes being a positive person can take some getting used to. Learning to walk away from a fight or look the other way when someone is mad-dogging takes some serious practice. If you can learn to exercise some of these techniques, the rewards can be great. Remember, the longer you’re in a gang, the harder it is to get out.  

-James W. Odom, 01/04/2010

REDEMPTION

Re-demp-tion: an act of deliverance; to right your wrongs

I don’t know very many people that have had the opportunity for redemption. I used to fit into that category until just a few weeks ago.  It’s funny how just when you think God isn’t listening, he is. I quickly forget that he’s the ultimate orchestrator and he continues to amaze me.

I was at a church group with a few of my friends talking about the way we used to live. We were telling war stories about how we ran from the cops and the many times we sat handcuffed in the back seat of a police car. Someone made the comment that even in worst of times; God has always provided an opportunity for us to reach out to him.  

I thought about that comment for a minute and remembered a kid named Brent that I went to school with in Junior High. He was the classic all around Christian kid that we all imagine in our heads, white, blonde hair, blue eyes, patient & soft spoken. Brent had a few other qualities; he was bold, and strong in his faith.  

Thinking back at this time in my life, I was young, angry & gang involved. As if those characteristics weren’t bad enough, I was always looking for an opportunity to prove myself and just like every other kid in middle school; I cared what other people thought about me.  In the mist of my journey to destroy my future, there stood Brent.

Brent was determined to preach the word of God to anyone that would listen. He was also determined to preach the word of God to anyone that didn’t, that included me. I remember having him for a homeroom class; I thought he was cool at first until he started talking about the man upstairs. It wasn’t long before I found myself pushing him away and avoiding his presence every chance I had.  Whatever I was doing, it didn’t seem to work, every time I turned around, there was Brent. He was even brave enough to come up to me when I was hanging out with my boys; I was thinking to myself, “Hello, we’re gang members”!

Despite my attempts to scare Brent away, he never went anywhere. He always took the opportunity to try and talk to me and my friends. I remember calling him names behind his back, avoiding his conversations about the Lord, and finding excuses to walk away. I was rude, obnoxious, short-tempered, and quick to dismiss the word of God. A few fights later on the school campus and I was kicked out headed to the district alternative center. 

I never thought twice about Brent until this day, until this conversation with my buddies. They were right; God has always provided an opportunity for us to reach out to him. The moment I realized this, I told my friends that if I ever saw him again, I would make the effort to apologize.

The following Sunday, my family and I were leaving church, we found ourselves hunting for a good place to eat. My son wanted hotdogs and even though my wife and I preferred a burger or some chicken wings, we decided to go with the hotdog idea. I pulled into the restaurant and when I walked in, there was Brent. Not only was he there, but he was the manager!

As I ordered my food, he said hi to me in the friendly voice I remember so well. When I joined my family at the table my wife asked “is that a friend of yours”? My reply was, “you just have no idea”, I had never told her about my conversation and up to this point; she never knew Brent even existed. I explained to her the events that had taken place and she challenged me to keep my promise and go apologize.

I found myself just sitting there thinking about how much courage it was going to take to go up to him. He intimidated me and apologizing for my behavior wasn’t going to be an easy thing to do. My wife could tell I was nervous and after a little encouragement and some wise words from my son, “go dad, keep your word”, I decided to apologize.

I walked up to the front counter and asked the guy standing there if I could talk to his manager. He looked scared, probably thinking I was going to complain about the food. When Brent walked up, I asked if I could talk to him outside. He looked confused but followed me out the door not really sure what was going on. With all the courage in my body, I told him that I wanted to apologize for my behavior towards him when we were in middle school. I told him that I had called him names behind his back and that I had avoided him on purpose because I didn’t want to know God at the time. I explained that I was a Christian now and that I could only hope for my son to have the same character he did as a kid.

Brent just smiled; he told me that he knew something was different when he saw me at the counter ordering food. He said that he could see God all over me and that he was proud to see the changes in my life.  He asked about my Salvation and for the first time in 15 years, we actually had a conversation about God that I wanted to be a part of!

I’ve learned so much from this experience. God still listens, God still hears, and God still provides opportunities for us to choose him. Since the day I bowed my knee to Christ, life has given me so many rewards that I never thought were even possible. God is great and he honors our commitment to him. I can only think, how much more awesome would my live have been if I had chosen him sooner.

-James W. Odom, 03/15/2010

What Makes A Real Man?

So what really makes a man? Is it the hair on your chest? How about the size of your muscles or how many tattoos you got? What about how many girls you have, how many fights you've been in, or how bad you beat somebody up. Is it about how much beer you can drink, how much weed you can smoke, how much money is in your pocket, what gang you belong to, or how about how many times you’ve been locked up.

All of those answers are wrong, the truth is, your image of man is based on what man influenced you the most. Sometimes it’s a step-father, a grand-father, our homeboy down the street, or even the leader of a neighborhood gang who took you in under their wing.

It would be great if every father was around to raise their son. It would be even better if by the age of 10, every father sat down with their son and explained to them what it really takes to be a man. Truth is, not every boy has that opportunity. There are some good fathers out there but the majority of males growing up without a father figure today continues to grow.

So what happens when dad isn’t around to tell us how to be man? In my opinion, we jump into survival mode. That means we find a male figure or role model who we think is cool, and follow him. The problem is, at the age that we go out and find this person; we often don’t know the difference between a good role model and a bad one.

When young kids find bad role models, it’s a recipe for disaster. We watch the way they walk, the way they talk, the way they act, the way they dress, how they treat women and most importantly, how they treat themselves. We base our views on religion, marriage, and education on what their views might be. We become “mini-me’s” of the role model we’re following.

When I was just a kid in elementary, I remember spending the night at my friend’s house down the street. Sometimes my parents would let me stay over there days at a time, especially in the summer when school was out. We did things most kids in 5th grade did, we played freeze tag, hide and go seek, and we wrestle all night long trying to show each other who was the toughest.

While all this was going on, my best friend’s older brother was just across the hallway. He always had friends hanging out; they were drinking, smoking, playing loud music, and getting tattoos. Outside, the drive-way and backyard had lowriders parked all over the place. Everybody had Impalas, Regals, and Monte Carlos.

I remember when Easter would come around; my friend’s house was full of people. There would be guys cleaning their cars, shining their rims, starching their Dickie suits, and ironing their bandanas. We would all jump in the cars and ride over to the San Jacinto monument in a straight line. We always sat low and we always drove slow. You could hear the bass coming out of the cars as we listened to Too Short over and over again.

I soon realized that all these guys were gang members. My best friend’s older brother just so happened to be the leader which was why everyone was always hanging out over there. At the time, I didn’t even know what a gang was, in my mind, it was just a group of homeboys that took care of each other and hung out. I never saw anything wrong with what they were doing but then again, I had never been around anyone else. I thought this is what men do, hang out and represent the neighborhood.

It wasn’t long before my best friend and I were asking to join the gang; we wanted to be like them so bad. They laughed it off at first and thought it was a joke because we were so young. After pushing us away only to see us come right back, they decided to finally let us in. I was told that we had to do an initiation which meant I had to fight one of the older members for 1 minute, and then my best friend for another 30 seconds.

I still remember the night I got in, I really felt like I had accomplished something. When it was all over, everyone was hugging me and telling me that I did a good job. They told me that I was brave and that they would have my back forever. I was bruised up and bleeding but they reassured me that this was the best decision of my life. In the back of my mind, I knew I had made a mistake that was going to affect me for years to come.

Hanging out with the gang became an everyday thing. I got my first tattoo and learned how to smoke weed, cut, cook, weigh and sell cocaine. I was skipping school and shooting guns instead of passing tests and getting good grades. My homeboys became my classmates and the leader became my teacher.

Thinking back to that time in my life, I realize that I was looking up to the wrong group of men. I had found a bad group of role models and I thought that’s what it took to be a real man. I set the wrong goals, I learned all the wrong things, and I allowed myself to act without thinking. What started out as fun and games led to 10 years of misery. My family lived in fear, my best friend was paralyzed in a gang-related shooting and another took a bullet in the throat for me. 

It really wasn’t until I started going to church when I asked myself again, what does it take to be a man? Having made some poor choices in the past, I’ve learned that if you’re going to make someone a role model, pick someone who is wise and makes good decisions. Who better to follow than Jesus?

Now following Jesus can be a difficult thing to do sometimes. Not only is it a challenge to live righteous in today’s society, but it’s a challenge to live righteous among some of our friends and the environment we live in. When I turned to Jesus, my friends turned away. I wondered if I should follow them and even tried once only to see that that lifestyle was destroying me and the things I had worked so hard to accomplish.

There’s a scripture that reminds me of how I should deal with people who frown down upon a positive lifestyle. It’s in Psalm 31:18 (NIV) Let their lying lips be silenced, for with pride and contempt they speak arrogantly against the righteous. Another one that gives me confidence in following the Lord and making the right decisions is: Proverbs 3:5-6 (NLT) Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.

If I had to answer the question of what it takes to really be a man today. I would say this; Jesus wants us to follow him. He wants us to make decisions that are pleasing to him. This means, not breaking the law, treating women with respect and being faithful to only one. It means loving others and caring for your friends, your neighbors, and your community. It means choosing to be a leader and not a follower. It means turning away from drugs, alcohol, crime, gangs and other activities that push you farther away from him. It means studying your Bible and not only reading it, but living a lifestyle that reflects the words inside it. Being honest, respectful, trust-worthy, kind to others and reaching out to the lost and helping them turn away from the sin in their lives as well.

Look, no one ever said being a man was easy. This isn’t something that happens overnight, I’m still finding new ways to improve my character and the choices I make. Life is about learning from your mistakes and not repeating the same ones. There’s no growth in running circles.

Although I’ve never had the “what makes a real man” talk with my father, it’s a discussion my 10 year old son and I have had many times. If you’re coming from a destructive lifestyle, you to, have the power to change it; you’d be surprised how many loved ones will follow. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll find out how good life can be.

-James W. Odom, 10/02/2010

What's on your shoe? 

Counselor:                       “What’s on your shoe?”

Gang member:                 “It’s my homeboy’s blood.”

Counselor:                       “Have you tried to get it out?”

Gang member:                 “Naw sir, I’m gonna leave it there.  I want to look down and remember to keep hate in my heart for the guys who killed him.”

In my early years working as a gang outreach counselor, I experienced an incident at a middle school campus that remains fresh in my mind. I met a young kid, involved in a gang, dealing with the death of a homeboy, and confused on how to react.

I was in the office when we received a phone call from a principal asking for our help. He was requesting that we assist his staff in dealing with a gang-related shooting that had taken place on the football field. Apparently a neighborhood gang confronted one of his students on his way home. When the student refused to back down, he was shot in the chest killing him instantly.  

We arrived early at the school for the morning briefing; the principal informed us that fights had been breaking out all around campus. Students involved in gangs, friends of the deceased, witnesses of the incident, and concerned parents had the school in a complete uproar. Everyone was assigned a different task to help defuse the situation.

My assignment consisted of meeting with the gang members in efforts of calming them down and searching for a resolution. The first thing we did was separate the students by groups and gangs to keep them from fighting with each other. We basically turned the school upside down putting one gang in the library and the other in the gym. The counselors had set up stations for the students to come by and talk with them if they needed to vent or get some things off their chest. Lastly, we had law enforcement officers available to those students that were either witnesses of the incident or wanted to give a statement.

I began talking with each gang both as a group and then individually. I discovered that they acted very different when I was able to talk with them one on one. Some were in fear of their own safety, some explained things had gone too far, some wanted revenge, and others seemed heartless at times.

I remember at one point looking around at everything taking place and asking myself, “Is this really happening at a middle school?” These were kids who were dealing with death instead of talking about the latest video game or trying to pass a note to someone they hoped would be their boyfriend or girlfriend.

I took a short break and strolled down the hallways listening to parents who wanted to check their kids out of school, girls who couldn’t stop crying, and teachers trying to make the students feel safe. I even talked with a teacher who feared for her own life and wondered if she would continue teaching in the district.

I finally made my way to the best friend of the student that was killed. He was next to him whenever he got shot and managed to carry him back to the campus. I could tell he was frustrated because he had been talking with the police all morning long trying to give an accurate description of the shooters.

I introduced myself to him as we walked to an office where I could speak to him privately. I was amazed that he was able to find the courage to go over the details of the incident one more time. He talked slowly, never making eye contact and staring at a blank space on the wall.

The young man admitted that he was a member of a gang and claims that they were confronted by some enemies from the neighborhood. He said some guys in a truck recognized their bandanas and pulled over to confront them. His homeboy threw up his set and lifted his shirt to show off his tattoo. He said one of the guys still in the bed of the truck pulled out a shotgun and fired at his friend hitting him in the chest.

The student explained that everyone who saw the incident started screaming and running. He said that nobody would help him so he carried and dragged his friend’s body back to the school. When the ambulance finally arrived, they pronounced his friend dead at the scene.   

After his explanation of the event, the student told me that he wanted revenge. He said he couldn’t sleep and that his parents were begging him to leave the situation alone. His anger turned to frustration and he started pacing around the room telling me that he wished he knew where these guys lived.

I glanced down at his shoes and noticed brown stains all over them. I asked him, “What’s on your shoe?” He said, “It’s my homeboy’s blood.” I asked, “Have you tried to get it out?” He said, “Naw sir, I’m gonna leave it there. I want to look down and remember to keep hate in my heart for the guys who killed him.”

I tried to calm him down and asked if he really wanted to go to jail for murder and spend the rest of his life behind bars. I reminded him of his real family and talked about how they would be disappointed in his actions and would have to live without a brother and a son. I reminded him of his future and talked with him about being successful and learning from this experience to avoid it again in the future.

As I attempted to give him hope for another day, he sat down again and broke into tears. I had to remember that I was dealing with a 14 year old kid who had just witnessed his best friend get murdered. He said he was scared, afraid for his life, and wanted to get out of the gang.

I drove home from Southwest Houston that day with my radio turned off. It was one of the longest trips home I could remember in quite some time. Another youngster joined a gang not knowing the consequences and it changed his life FOREVER!!!

                                                                                                                                                                                                          -James W. Odom, 04/04/2011

Who are you influenced by?

My wife and her family have been with the same insurance agent for as long as I can remember. He’s an honest guy who runs a very successful business here in the Houston area. He takes care of his customers and makes himself available to them when they need him. 

Last year he offered to take my wife and I to dinner just to say thanks for being a dedicated customer. He asked us to pick a nice restaurant and said it didn’t matter which one we chose. We finally decided on a place off of Richmond and met him there on a Saturday.

While we were ordering, I tried to be courteous and pick a meal that was fairly cheap. He overheard my order and forced me to change it. He said “You’re a big guy; get something that will fill you up.” I changed my order and we talked over appetizers while our food was being made.

I listened as he explained how he built his company from the ground up. He talked about some of the struggles he encountered and also some of the success that resulted from his hard work. I noticed that he had pulled up in a nice car and felt comfortable enough to ask, “How successful is your business?” In a very professional manner, he informed me that he had become a millionaire a few years ago.

I don’t remember any of the words that came out of his mouth after that. All I could think to myself was WOW, he’s a millionaire! I had never met a millionaire before and I doubt that I would be eating dinner with one ever again.

My mind wondered off and I started thinking, this guy doesn’t have to worry about money, bills, credit cards or anything. I was amazed that he could just pull into any car dealership he wanted and buy the vehicle on the show room floor...cash!!!

I started wondering, how can I become a millionaire? I found myself brainstorming on what I could do to make money and imagined life with endless amounts of cash lying around. I think my wife noticed me daydreaming because she kicked me in the leg. I eventually snapped out of it and tried to get back into the conversation as if I had never left.

Going home, I thought about this experience and became deeply concerned for the youth that I work with. The presence of this guy had influenced me to be a millionaire in just an hour. I started thinking, how much more time are youth spending with their friends who are negative, and what are they being influenced to do? I know they spend more than an hour around people involved in gangs, drugs, and other illegal activities.

Here’s some advice, think hard about the people you spend time with. They will have great influence over you and the decisions you make. If they are not headed in the right direction then get away. It’s not easy to be a positive person in a negative environment. Here’s something a friend once told me that his grandfather once told him. It goes like this…“Tell me who your friends are, and I’ll tell you who you are.”

Scary huh?

                                                                                                                                                                                                          -James W. Odom, 04/04/2011